1 de nov. de 2006

Letônia e Estônia, não necessariamente nesta mesma ordem.

Fui pros "países bálticos" outro dia, só esqueci da Lituânia pq era muito longe. Desci de barco pra Estônia depois cruzei pra Letônia de ônibus. E vice-versa.

Sabe nas fronteiras do Brasil com outros países, na fronteira mesmo, tipo de cruzar a rua, que o pessoal fala mais espanhol que português e parece mais chicano que brasileiro? Por aqui tb tem disso. Um bando de gente por aqui é meio finlandês-meio estoniano. O ferry boat Helsinki (FIN) e Tallin (EST) é como a ponte da amizade. É só passar pro lado de lá que a muamba rola solta. Mas aqui o negócio não é blusa de "couro", sudoku e canivete "suíço". O negócio aqui é cana.

A economia da Estônia vive da exportação de insumos fundamentais na sociedade finlandesa: cerveja de alto teor alcólico, vodka de altíssimo teor alcólico e velhas (continuo na ascensão do teor alcólico). Claro que também tem os derivados, como cigarro vagabundo e máquina de caça-níquel.

A polícia estoniana bem que poderia dar um passaporte da alegria do playcenter ao invés de carimbar o passaporte dos velhos finlandeses. É mais fácil entrar lá sem visto do que escapar da velharada etilizada. A combinação vodka 80%, tabaco, luzes de caça níquel e balanço do Ferry causa uma catarse coletiva nas velinhas. "Brasilialainen! Brasilialainen!" Elas gritavam, enquanto se juntavam para bater uma foto comigo, depois de descobrirem sei lá como minha humilde origem sul-americana.

Tallin é metade século 13, metade século 21, enquanto que Helsinki parece quase toda século 20. Tem mais mulher bonita (oq parecia impossível) e paisagens fudidas tanto quanto. Top 3 Tallin (sem ordem alguma): Cervejaria do século 13, onde o alce e o coelho entraram no espeto - muralhas da Cidade Velha, onde passei o maior frio da vida - porão do Kari (nosso guia) com sauna e lareira de sei lá qts anos atrás.

Riga, na Letônia, dá medo. O primeiro contato com um letoniano foi no ônibus. Adam, o americano, estava sentado de lado no ônibus enquanto o guarda da fronteira passava com os passaportes. Não deu outra: coturnada na perna sem avisar, dó ou piedade. Foi assim que eu meio que comecei a ter uma idéia dos dois países: são iguais, mas na Estônia tem mais Finlândia (ocidente) e na Letônia, mais USSR. A duas tem os milhões de predinhos idênticos e cinzas da época do Lenin, mas a Estônia tem mais vida. A Letônia ganha no potencial, mas ainda precisa de umas décadas pra relaxar um pouco.

Em Riga tem pobre na rua, mas as ruas são lindas. Tem as mulheres mais bonitas do mundo até agora(oq parecia duas vezes impossível, depois da Estônia) mas quase todas fazem cara de "estou com meu namorado e ele é gangstêr". Segundo estatísticas do governo Letoniano, 85% das mulheres do país já atuaram como Bond girls.

A atuação da polícia Letoniana faz o Massacre do Carandiru parecer visita do Papa. Vi, por algumas vezes, caras serem arrastados pelo pescoço. Fui no largo da Batata Letoniano, no mercadão municipal Letoniano e, surpresa: é igual ao daqui! Tem moleque de 8 anos fumando na rua e batendo carteira, velha vendendo especiarias e todo o tipo de comércio semi-legal. Mas, de repente, chega uma Maseratti com um cara de óculos escuros (em pleno breu noturno) e meio pote de gel no cabelo acompanhado por uma Bond girl, desce do carro, compra meio quilo de cebola e vai embora.

No outro lado da parede do nosso hostel, ainda em Riga, tinha o Mademoseille, um "whisky bar". Na porta do "whisky bar" tinha um russo distribuindo flyer de algumas mulheres que frequentam o "whisky bar", parecia que a moda lá era usar poca roupa. O porteiro russo do "whisky bar" se enturmou com a gente, indicou lugares turísticos e tal. Na hora de irmos, veio apertar minha mão, e eis que se passou um dos diálogos mais desafiadores da minha vida:

EU (dando a mao pro russo e sorrindo, mas já querendo ir embora) - Okay man, so maybe after the party we´re gonna show up, kay?

RUSSO (dando a mão pra mim e sorrindo) - kay, have fun. Respect!

EU (tentando soltar a mão do russo e parando de sorrir) - Take care, man...

RUSSO (apertando minha mão e fechando a cara) - Respect!

EU (começando a ficar desesperado) - See you soon...

RUSSO (gritando e olhando no preto do meu olho) - RESPECT!

EU (entendendo que "Respect" é a saudação de porteiros russos de puteiro estoniano) - RESPECT!


Aí ele soltou a minha mão e eu me libertei, aliviado. Choque cultural pesado.

83 comentários:

Natalia disse...

haaala, ¡qué fuerte!

e, sobre o "whisky bar", que pobre garotinho inocente é você. aqui também tá cheio de "whisky bares". deve ser uma gíria oropéia generalizada.

RESPECT!

Anônimo disse...

Primeira vez que dou risada alta no trabalho, em meio ao silencio coorporativo, sério...
RESPECT'EM ALL!!

Grato por estar de volta em posts decentes...

GARBINI (o + velho)

Anônimo disse...

pq a dat tah 01 de novembro? nao captei...

Fecespedes disse...

comecei a escever isso 15 dias atras, mas nao deu tempo de terminar antes. Isso vai acontecer de vez em qd...

Bigode disse...

Por aqui os whisky bars se chamam Bar Aberto...

E RESPECT pra vc também!

Anônimo disse...

Respect é pra quem tem, pra quem tem, pra-quem-tem

Natalia disse...

eu acho válido postar mais frequentemente...

desertfox_193945 disse...

Saudações.
Encontrei teu blog numa busca q fazia a respeito dos letonianos.
Muito interessantes e divertidas as histórias postadas aqui, parabéns pelo blog. Terás, a partir de agora, mais um leitor assíduo. este blog já possui link em meu blog. Peço que leias meu blog, opine a respeito e, se lhe aprouver, estabeleça o link.

Agradeço a paciência.
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